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Moving is disorienting for anyone, but for a person with dementia it can trigger real anxiety and confusion — and the legal side of the move (who has authority to sign for them, and whether the family even agrees it’s time) is often just as hard as the emotional side.

Decisions about moving into assisted living facilities are never easy. However, when your elderly parent or grandparent is struggling with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, they can be particularly challenging.

Why is moving so disorienting for someone with dementia?

For those with dementia, being in new places and surrounded by unfamiliar objects may lead to a great deal of anxiety. Furthermore, it can be difficult to know what people are asking for and what might help calm them down, if they struggle with expressing themselves verbally. These communication issues can also make it harder for nursing home staff to get to know them.

Yet the challenges of moving with dementia are not just about the struggles of the elder loved one. Adult children often also have a hard time due to the guilt they may have about not being able to manage their parents’ or grandparents’ care at home. But caring for someone with dementia can easily take over your life, and they will often be much safer in an environment that is dedicated to serving their needs.

Who has the legal authority to move a loved one with dementia?

Before the practical side of moving even starts, there’s a legal question worth answering first: does anyone actually have the authority to sign the admission agreement, access medical records, or make the move happen if your loved one can no longer make that decision themselves?

If your loved one signed a health care proxy and power of attorney while they still had capacity, the named agent can typically handle this. Without those documents in place, the family may need to petition the court for guardianship before a facility can even accept the move — a process that takes time your family may not have if the situation has become urgent. This is one of the most common gaps we see: families assume a spouse or adult child can automatically make these decisions, when in fact no one has that legal authority yet.

What if family members disagree about whether it’s time to move?

Not every family agrees on timing. One sibling may feel strongly that mom needs to move now, while another isn’t ready to let go of the idea of her staying home. These disagreements are common, and they don’t have to turn into a legal fight.

As an elder mediator, I often help families work through exactly this kind of disagreement — not by deciding who’s “right,” but by helping everyone get on the same page about what your loved one actually needs, what each family member is able to take on, and what a realistic plan looks like. Mediation can also bring in other professionals, like a geriatric care manager, accountant, or daily money manager, to help the family evaluate options with real information instead of guesswork.

How can a Medicaid trust help make the move more affordable?

Assisted living and memory care are expensive, and many families are surprised by the cost once a move actually becomes necessary. An estate planning attorney can use techniques such as a Medicaid trust to help protect assets while planning for long-term care costs. This kind of planning works best done well in advance, but it’s worth discussing with an attorney even if the move is already underway, since some options may still be available.

How can you make moving day easier for someone with dementia?

Once the legal and financial pieces are in place, there’s still the moving day itself to plan for. A few things tend to help:

Make it familiar. Begin observing the objects and items your loved one uses and touches most often — a blanket they cover up with while watching television, a photo of a spouse, or a favorite sweater. Make sure they have immediate access to some of these items during the move, and place familiar objects in their new home so they can see and feel these things as soon as they arrive.

Choose the right time of day. If you’ve been spending a lot of time with your loved one, you’ve probably noticed their memory is better at some portions of the day than others — often the morning. If possible, try to time the move to coincide with the part of the day when your loved one is at their most lucid.

Play familiar music. Familiar music can help adults with dementia feel clearer and improve their experience of the move. As your loved one transitions to a new home, playing some of their favorite music in the background can help ease their anxiety. You can also ask the care team at their new home to play these familiar tunes when you’re unable to be there.

Work with a geriatric care manager. Geriatric care managers are usually licensed nurses or social workers trained in senior care, acting as private advocates and guides for family members who want to ensure their loved one is in the best hands (see , AARP). They can offer moving advice tailored to your loved one’s specific circumstances, for example after making a home visit and evaluating the new living arrangements.

Contact an Experienced New York Estate Attorney and Elder Mediator

If you are having trouble reaching agreement on care and living arrangements, or whether a move is necessary, an elder mediator can help your family generate and evaluate options. When it comes to making such an important transition, speaking with an experienced estate planning attorney and elder mediator about the move and other aspects of your loved one’s life can help.

Please contact our law firm at (347) 640-0993 if you wish to schedule a consultation. We offer consultations by video, at our office, or in your home.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who can legally sign a nursing home or assisted living admission agreement for someone with dementia?
If your loved one signed a health care proxy or power of attorney while they had capacity, that named agent can generally sign on their behalf. Without either document in place, a court-appointed guardian may be required before someone else can sign for them.

What happens if my family can’t agree on whether it’s time to move a parent with dementia?
Disagreements like this are common, and mediation is often a faster, less expensive way to work through them than letting the disagreement escalate into a legal dispute. A mediator can also help bring in professionals like a geriatric care manager to give the family objective information to base the decision on.

Can Medicaid help pay for assisted living or memory care?
Medicaid can help cover long-term care costs for those who qualify, and a properly structured Medicaid trust, set up well in advance, can help protect assets while planning for eligibility. An estate planning attorney can advise on whether this kind of planning still makes sense if a move is already underway.

What should I bring on moving day to help someone with dementia feel more comfortable?
Familiar, meaningful items — a favorite blanket, a photo, a well-worn sweater — can help ease anxiety during the transition. Having these items immediately accessible, rather than packed away, makes the biggest difference.

Is it too late to plan if my loved one already has dementia?
It depends on their current level of capacity — some legal documents, like a health care proxy or power of attorney, require the person to still understand what they’re signing. If capacity has already been lost, guardianship may be the remaining option, which is why acting as early as possible matters.